MY ICICALE
by SAILORSANA
Summary: CRACK WARNING ! it be a parody arrggg ! of ...MY IMMORTAL HETALIA STYLE 3 *shot*   MY NAME IS CRIM SON BLOD TE'S SIXSEXSIX AND I AM IN HUFULPUFF ...I AM A GOFF
1. WHO I AM

Hi, my name is Crim son bloode te'rs sixsexsix kawwii desuka lee sue . I have log black hare with crimson steks (that how I gote my name ;) ) and perfect white skin ( xcept 4 dat faggy $$ mole on mah chin) i have crimson red eyes like vampire blood, and limpid tears, but they were red limpid tears and wer not qite as awsome as thr ones that were like ones that the super awsome guy in hy taming of magical beings class had. Alot of peplez say that i look alot like amy lee (if u dunt no h that is go my tribute to Prussia's amazin f5 eters) but im not. (a/n we totes had penis jokes about this going on the whoolllee time )I am a Nation imNorth pole , if you dont know where that is gets the fuk out. I go Hogwarts skool of witchcraft and wizardryand naitondry. I am 6th year student and my bff is Englond but we now call him Earl Black because he is gofic also he was a prep untill i kidnaped him and fed him and fed him unicornn bloud. As we walked towards hair of magicl creatures Ludwig stopped me. "hey" he said passivily "hey"i said im my most goffic emo way back "vher is a concert to night in hogsmade its a kpop concert uvannamabygovifme"? he asked germanly "ZOMG I LOVE KPOP BECAUSE IM NOT A MARY SUE shure i would likes to go wif you Ludwig " is said kawwiily befoir i ran off too meet back up with Ear;l Black. "OMG KAWII YOU TOTES LIEK HIM " Earl Black whisperd pushing hias eyebrows outta his face. L8terer (an its later than later dont question my awsome) I was back im the dorm with Earl Black we were moshing to wondergirls and super junior while having a group cutting session (earl Black used a broken tea cup and i used a icicacle) Then I gott redy for my date with /Ludwig. I wore a black and bluse lacde corset with blue fishnets with blck lether booty shorts that said death ansd such with my thigh high flip flops. "Bitch Ludwig is here "Ppland called from the door so I like ran past him and down to ludwig. "hi" I sed coldly (geddit, cuz im the muther fooking n pole!11) "Hi" he sed in his sexah germany voce. "r u red 2 go betch?" he sed. I nearly craped myself. he looked so fjucking hot in his tight lether goffic pants and mcr shit. his hare was died blak (cuz hes goffic) and his empty cold ded blue eyes held such desper I got a kind of hawt cuz he looked so sexy. "ya." I sed to him depprezzedly and we left. on da way to da concert we did drugs and oher stuff and I slit my wrist from excitment. when we got to da concert we moshed to sum kpop mosic and head banged o da songs. When suddenly some french goffic bumped into me. "B'loody 'elll " i sqeked turning to looka t him and i almot diedth he was soo fucvking hott with his sexy french 'air. "bonjor ma chou voulie voucu che aveic moi"? he asked winking I derped for a momment befor replying in perfect german "da " and at that momment I knew Ludwig had a bonar (a/n penis jokes continue)Then Ludwig turned to beat the crapp atta thwe bi french guy then suddenly he stoped . "Francis "!1111111111 he asked passivily oviblousily reconizing the french man "ludwing mon bonbon "the damm franch replied "it haz beenn a long time no". I was so angry that inky tears of ice rolled down my cheeks "you fucckker LLUDWIG HOW COUlD you " i mummbled turning to run "Vait "ludwig callde running after me "you dont understand I love you not him anymorer ICH LIEBE A DICH CRIMISON " he whisperd sexilly to me grabbing my sexy sexy hands ...666...


	2. THE WURST ATTACKS

AURORS NOTE XD (gutted) we totes forgot the disclaimer I don't own harry potter because if i did there would be more DARRY. umm i also don't own Hetalia ….be glad i don't keseseseseseee!

AND ONTO THE CRACK MY LOVeLIES (REMEMBER FLAMES FEED ME AND LOVE KILLS ME) KOLKOLKOLK

Suddenly….

….he franched me passively! I was so turned on when he franched me but then…LOCKHERT AND THAT FRENCH KID STARTED TO MAKE OUT 2! IT WAS A SEXY FOUR WAY! I took off his lederhozzen and he took off my spiky death bra and my thigh high flip-flops! Then he did it for the fist time. It was vry sexah. then ….Darry showed when France stuck his thingy into Lockharts you no wat. "oh oh oh oh" I moaned as Germany did me. "Crim son bloode te'rs sixsexsix kawwii desuka lee sue "he moaned pulling on my udders."MOOO" I MOANDE AS I WAS TRANSFigured into a dog. it was hawt. WHEN SUDDENLY SNAP WALKED IN "OMG NOO BEASTALITY "…wheres luppin when you need him he muttered then yelled crookshanks ! we moaned in pain as the curse took hold!(AN BECAUSE IT IS NO LONGER 4 AM SAILOR AND I (sanna) ARE HAVING A HARD TIME WRITING BADLY …sorry) Suddenly someone KOl'D from behind snap ands shot ambercrombie and fiche shirt5s outta s shit cannon IT WAS THAT PREPPY BEOCH DRUSSIA ! Ludwig and me screamed as those devil teeshirts of doom landed on our pale goffic daapperadted to hoggywortyys . "WAT DA FUK R U DOING DA?" that new gof America yelled us. "Wut deer fuk are you ding?" I yelled back. He paused dramitlee. "I dunt no… The authors fergot where they we ging with this." We cockled (appererntly according to my com tht is a word)evilly and then drake sum blude. "ARE YOU FANPIRES?" that gof american yelled looking at the young fifrt years bloodd that we were suckling . "duhh" i growled as i adgusted my thigh high flip-flops, rnt you? the alfred knoddedd glowing fangs he sparkeled in the dimm moonlight . I blinnpd he was do fujuking hott . Ludwigy notc me checking alfred out and ran off crying muttering about betrayal and italy . NINE I YELLED SNALLPING ALFRED """""". CUM BACK LUDIG I GIGGLED. I LOVE THOUGH EARWIG ! i ran crying to the huffplepuff commonroom OMG R U LIKE OK GIRFRIND polish moaned looking at my icy tears "no im fuking not you batch!" I ran past it and into my bedroom were I pulled out my steak. "I cnt live with out u ludwig even though I've only know u for a day and a haf!" I held to the steak to my cheast, wanting to keel myself. butt b4 I did someone burst in. it was…Tom fiidle! "NO ENOBY! DON-…..Eho da fuk r u? Pshh,.. pooser betch. rong room." He then tuned and left. I then went to bed. Wen i woke up the hex morning (lolol geddit? cuz im totes gofic) I put on my skin tight fish net body suit and my mcr plat form flats. I also put on my lether thong under my mini skirt. when I was done putiing on my make up ad my spider wed earing I went to the commen room There….DUMBLYDOOR WAS WAITING 4 ME!11110wtf1110! Crim son bloode te'rs sixsexsix kawwii desuka lee sue…Germany has died." I cudnt believe it. I waas speechless. "what da foooooooooooooook!" I yelled angily "I'm sry. But he choked on his wust." "Wut!" I exclamed. "But he knows so much aboot wust.. I thot he was expericanced with it!" "No…" Dumblydor sad sadly. "it was differnet this time. …..It was Prussias wurst this time. He just giving it to him. Germany tried to say he had enuff,,, but Pussia woodnt stop untill he had swallowed all his wurst. He just wouldn't stop giving it to him. he had made his wurst 5 meters long and made germany take all at once. Germany codn't handle it. He choked and died."

AHAHAHAHAHA MY TIME TO TALK TEEHEE WURST MAY = PENIS ;D

Sanna :we are terrible people are we not Gaara?

Garra: Hn,

Sasuke :WHHAT THE HELL YOU STOLE MY LINE

Sailor: ….. i like wurst

Sasuke :Naruto likes wurst too ;)

Sanna : *eye twitch*

Ludwig : VHY AM I DEAD ?

PURSSIA : IT VAS MY AMAZING 5 METERS OF WURST BRUDER

Ludwig ; facepalm i is no uke

Sanna :it tastes like cake ! oh any ideas for the next chappy pm me !


	3. I ran outta crack

Arther's Note (geddit)

I was just thinking that perhaps I killed Ludwig too soon …..OOOHH WELLL

DISCLAIMER :I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING BUT THIGH HIGH FLIP FLOPS (the goffic type) so onto the crack that is chapter 3

I was zoo fouling mad!So I went upstairs to try and kill my self agian .I sat in the bathtub and listend to some hannah montanna (cus she is a gof) and prepared tpo steak myself when suddenkly i saw aberforth and victor crum filmimg me and victor was mastacating !1111 OMG WHAT THE SATAN YOU PREVES I SAID JUMPING UP reacghing fot my jo jonas towel when cedric diggory burst in ! "I LOVE YOU "Crim son bloode te'rs sixsexsix kawwii desuka lee sue" he called running at me he pulled out a gun and began to shoot crum and aberforth . "oh my satan i thought as pullets penatrated the camra thus destroying it . I was soo shcked i Run i went to da …FORBIDDON FORST!11111111. TeArs or ice rolled down my cheek as i leaned agenst a centar sobbing in sadne. When suddenluy a boy appered ""Crim son bloode te'rs sixsexsix kawwii desuka lee sue"he barked "t**ius I lord sealand of the death dealers !1111: ** "i screamed in harpieness he was so fujuking scary !1111111

"THOU MUSTH KILLITH DARRY OR THOU WILLITH KILLITH YOURITH LOUVE LUDWIG AND OR EARL BLACK !1111111"HE screached at me I moaned gofficaly adjusting my fisnets "NOOOOOOOOO YOU CANT ! i said kwaiily in my sexyyy voice "ho did you know i love ludwig?" "I HATH TELEKENSESENESS " HER SAID giggling sucking his slurpeee efor he Poofed away.

Suddenly i ran as fast as I could bCK toi the greats hall ! there i found mhy bff Earl Black . "OMG OMG OMG "i whisperd gofficaly" you wont beleive whats just hapopenf to me!". I meat the nation who musent be acknolged ! i yelled at Earl black !11. Earl Black gasped "YOU MET THE TERRIBLY FEAR INVOKING SAELAND/.' ye called to me "oh my satan thats bad news luv" he said as we walked towaards the magilk music room so our bana d Goffic Preps could practice. I burst out crying when i realized Ludwig who plays flute would not be there QQQQQQQQQQQQ!…When dsuddenly halfway throu out rendition of mcrs helenas when Ludwig burst into da room !11111111 "omg we all yelled! Dracola aka Ron stood up "I thought you were dead " :why arnt you dead? Ludwig grinned sadiszticaly "im the fanpire natiom of germany the only thing that can kill me is Earl Blacks cooking:. hde said .WE all laughed then ludwig frenched me passivily "Crim son bloode te'rs sixsexsix kawwii desuka lee sue" he graned getiing a bonar and then he put his tool in my tool andd we did it 4 the second time

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An So I ran outta creative crack juice for this chappy QQ


	4. and he had no nose

Ator's noet (geddit?) Wow... we're actually getting support for this...umm... Horray! XD Thanks to Distant Lands and Allistra for the reviews. Hopefully we can contiue to bring the lols for you guys XD

any way...

"oh oh ohoh ho ho ho" We shitted as we didit again. We wer so in2 it. Then... I fell asleep. In my slep I had a vision. in it a crazy guy wit no nose was shoting sigfreid and roy.

"OMG NOOOOOOO!" THEY yelled as there goffic white tiger meled.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA" lafed. He had no nose and red eyes and no nose. tears of ice started to roll downe my palled face.

"omg... omg.. rolfcopter... wryyyyyy?" I cries

"Crim son bloode te'rs sixsexsix kawwii desuka lee sue!111!" evey1 explained while ledwig shakeded my shoulderz. I wokked up and and cried gofficly

"NOOOOOEZ! I had a visions!"

"OH EM GEE no way!" They sed.

"Yes. I repayed gofficly. We need to get to dumbly doere now!"

"omg y luv?" Earl black asked.

"OMG SHUT UP EARL BLACK!" i TELLED At hem. "I said its improtantg! Segfreid and roy could died!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" shitted America then ludwig and me ran to dumbledorks orfice. We came in and I banged on his desk hard. "What is it you want you ludicris folls?" He sed and I knew he had ahead ache.

"Listen up jo bastarg." I sed. "Segfreid and row are in troouble and you need to send somefun to save trhem!1!" Dumbledorr laufed.

"how do i not no you arf making dis up?" He sed.

"WHAT WILL VEGAS DO WIF OUT SIGFREID AND ROY!" america cries then I suddenly scremed at dubledor "JUSTG DO IT YOU BASTARED!"

"OK.." he said in a scared foive. He left and came back into him orfice where we were and sed to uz... "Bitc whut?"

"OMG!" I yoed and lefted.


	5. chapterrrr

Authore noye: WARNIN SOME OF DIS CHAPTA IS EXTREAMLE SCARY VEIWER EXCRETION IS ADVISED and i do not own anythangCrim son bloode te'rs sixsexsix kawwii desuka lee sue ran dow ze halwah and towrds the goffic libarny. ...,,...,,,,...when suddnly... Marty McFly appered!1111 OMG LIEK Who the fucck ru? i mumbled passiontel. Im marTY mcfly he said getting a Crim son bloode te'rs sixsexsix kawwii desuka lee sue Crim son bloode te'rs sixsexsix kawwii desuka lee sue dovey look on his face he droped to hsi nees "LOEK OMG I LOVEYOUCrim son bloode te'rs sixsexsix kawwii desuka lee sue WILLYOUHAVESEXWITHME"? I gave him a duddewhatthefuckwasthat look as i nodded my disagreement ...Crying goffic timelord tears he turned away my 2hearts loveth thou but you must save sigfreid and roy he said handing me the keys to the tardis. NODDing i leapedr into da TARDIS and set it on time and it toook me tooo... LOS VAGAS!111111111111111111111111 I pulled out my gun with a buit in wand and prepared to kill lord sealand who was toturing ze deloved sigdfreid and roy when suddenlllyy... Frodo appered , using hias magic ring he turned sigfreid and roy into elves and they escaped . "leik omg that was gofficaly amazing frodo danke" i ugged goofficaly at him turning to teleport back to hoggyworts when...(an. dont you think liek elves are so fujukin hott) ? Manada appered . !111111111111 "OMG NOOOOO" i excreted I was so scared manada is scaryyyyy...


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